
A LONG TIME AGO--precisely a decade ago actually, when I was 18 and a freshman year at Vassar--I realized, one day, that I was growing up, right then. In fact, I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself so. Perhaps there was a beer or two in me, but it was a lucid moment and one that I've not forgotten about. Recently, I've had a similar feeling, my second to that at college. I would not say that what I am going through is as dramatic a metamorphisis as a recently-went-home friend says he is going through (he mentions this stage as a third chapter in his life, the first two being 1) childhood and 2) entering adulthood), but I would still say it was a significant change.
The closest way I've found to describe this stage in words is to say that I feel I am marrying myself. I feel like I am taking on more responsiblity in my life, but in doing so, am able to spread my arms wider and have more momentum in work and play. Now that I think of it, this friend of mine also happens to be married (to a real person, in his case), and I think his marriage would count as being one of the major events of his Chapter Two. So, if my life can be divided up similarly into chapters, maybe this is part of my Chapter Two.
I don't know if this "marriage" to myself is a good one or not. Basically it's an emotional time in my life, and most of what I feel now is being scared and wanting an easier way out. I look at errands--no, tasks..., no GOALS--of the day, and I don't know how I'm going to do them. I've probably been in this stage for the majority of the past few years, but this is down right the lowest point of the curve (or one hopes it is, anyway). At least--again, one hopes--there's only one way to go from here, which is up.
So that's me, at 28.